you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize