ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
