I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
