Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
