Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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