Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My pussy is not your playground.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
