We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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