he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
