She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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