When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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