and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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