Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
