Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
