nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
