im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
