One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
