I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize