He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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