you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize