remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
babies were throwing up all over the place
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
NoShamevember. You game?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
