I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize