the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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