sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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