They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
