I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
