that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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