I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
