I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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