youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So many bounce houses so little time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
