I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
