i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
