Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you traded sex for a burrito?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
