Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
