Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
