Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
