I could have mohawked her pubes.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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