For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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