He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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