Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's shark week go big or go home
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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