then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The adults are the big ones right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
