Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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