In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
