can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
