how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
