This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
