Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
