guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
