Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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