I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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