You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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