I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize