ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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