i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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