So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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