What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
