i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
