did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize