I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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