You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
