Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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