You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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