me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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