I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
