did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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