Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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