Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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