DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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