She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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