put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
