Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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