I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
