Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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